if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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