im drinking this country out of the recession.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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