sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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