Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
