sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
