So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
