Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
