There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
