I showed him my bush... on skype.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
