oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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