Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
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