Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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