I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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