hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
