I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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