My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
