I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
