So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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