After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
