No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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