so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
They have beer where we have blood.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
