My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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