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Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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