You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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