Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
how drunk are you?
Several
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
