yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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