I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
