my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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