walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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