My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
