I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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