This girl is more easily done than said...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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