I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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