Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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