I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
