how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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