No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
