I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Come on in and take your pants off
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