and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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