I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
