So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
