Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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