You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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