Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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