I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
