it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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