The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
