im drinking this country out of the recession.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
