note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
