It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
