We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
